True story: I went out for a walk this morning well before the sun came up in our suburban Phoenix neighborhood. There is nobody out at this time of day, so I was a little suspicious when I saw someone standing completely still about 8 feet off the path, lurking in the shadows.

At first I thought the person was waiting for his dog to do its business, but alas – no dog. I got closer and closer and he didn’t so much as move a finger. “Does this guy think he’s a ninja?” I began to wonder. “Should I get ready to defend myself?”

It wasn’t until I was about 15 feet away, that I realized the alleged perpetrator was a cactus, standing just as it had for the past several years. As you were…